


Soul Theory

by goldendyad



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ben is grumpy for a minute, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, so much pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldendyad/pseuds/goldendyad
Summary: In a section of Intro to Philosophy at the University of Takonda, the discussion of the existence of souls and soulmates has begun. Student Ben Solo has declared that soulmates are an unimportant and frivolous concept that he refuses to take any part in. Unfortunately, he makes this declaration minutes before bumping into classmate Rey Niima and getting a soul mark in front of the entire class.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Jannah, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 66
Kudos: 212





	1. Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first fan-fiction. I have been sitting on this idea for a few months and I submitted it to @reylo_prompts on twitter to see if others liked the idea. The idea got some support, so I decided to, finally, begin working on the story that has been playing in my head for the last few months.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter if you’d like: @goldenanidala

It is Rey Niima's second year at the University of Takonda and she is very much enjoying her spring semester. 

Her classes are interesting and she's doing very well in all of them, from Calculus 3 to her Intro to Philosophy class. With her grades and determination, she is on track to graduate early with a Bachelor's of Science in mechanical engineering. That's all she's every wanted, really. 

She walks down the stairs of her home and into the kitchen. Maz is sitting at their small kitchen table with her foster brother, Finn, drinking coffee. Finn is the same age as Rey. Not only is he her brother, but her best friend. Maz became Rey's foster mother shortly after she turned 14 and she had to be the kindest person Rey knew. When it came time for Rey to apply to university, she applied to many. Her top choice was the University of Takonda, of course, it has an incredible mechanical engineering program, it's a short bus ride away from Maz's, and Finn had applied there too. Maz made them a congratulatory cake when they were accepted. 

She smiled her warm smile at Rey and handed her a fresh cup of coffee, "Good morning, Rey. After school today, can you possibly stop by the diner? You won't work a full shift, just two hours, Amy is leaving early because of a parent-teacher meeting tonight. It's only Wednesday, so business shouldn't be too much." 

"I'm on grill! And after close, we can sit at a booth, eat burgers, and do homework," Finn says excitedly and put his hand up for a high-five. Rey laughs and smacks her hand against his.

"Of course, Maz. I've been meaning to pick up a shift anyways, my next payment for tuition is due soon and the garage has been slow." Rey had three jobs, technically: Serving at Maz's Castle, at the on-campus book store, and at a locally-owned garage downtown. She only worked at the garage on weekends and business has been really slow recently, so her boss has been sending her home early. A good shift at Maz's Castle would probably put her at her goal for her next payment. 

Maz nodded in gratitude, "Thank you. I will see you two at four. Now go or you'll miss your bus!" 

Finn took a final swig of coffee and rushed Rey out the door. They walked together to the nearest bus stop. 

"So on Friday night, Poe is having a party and I want you to actually come this time," Finn grabbed her arm as they walked. She grimaced. She loved Poe, really, she did. Parties on the other hand? No, thank you. "Rey, it's his birthday, please? He wants you there. I want you there." Rey looked at Finn, then his exposed arm. On his arm there was a little blue mark unique to him and Poe Dameron. 

Their soulmate mark. 

When you find your soulmate and touch them for the first time, sparks quite literally fly and then your bodies are marked identically. 

Rey always wonders if the mark will hurt. Even if the mark didn't hurt, she was sure the paperwork would. When you find your soulmate, you have to register together with the government. It's like a driver's license. Also if something happens to you, they contact your soulmate first. Finn said it was just two pages of paperwork, but it sounded boring. 

The soulmate bond is a spectrum, it's different for each pair. There is no expectation for who a soulmate can be. Rey knew platonic soulmates and she knew romantic soulmates. Finn and Poe were romantic. In fact, they were probably the two most in love people she knew. 

When he was 16, Poe and his sister, Phoebe, moved into Maz's. Rey had been living with Maz for about two months then. During introductions, Poe shook everyone's hand like the polite little guy he was, and when he got to Finn, their hands sparked and the rest is history. They've been inseparable and incredibly in love since. 

Unlike Rey and Finn, Poe moved out when he went off to college. Now it's just Maz, Rey, Finn, and Phoebe. Poe comes home a lot to see them all. Softie. 

He goes to the University of Takonda with them and lives in an off-campus house with three other guys. Rey has never met any of them, which was weird because she had been there plenty of times. Poe was like her brother and because Finn stayed with him a lot, but still no roommate interaction. That would change Friday, she guessed. 

"Of course I'll go. Poe will only turn twenty-two one time and what best friend would miss such an important birthday?" Finn grinned at her response. 

"Thank god! He'd kill you if you didn't. Also, can you invite Kaydel and Rose when you get to your philosophy recitation?" 

"Kaydel?" Rey understood inviting Rose, but she didn't think that Poe knew Kaydel. Rey barely knew Kaydel. 

"Uh, yeah. Poe's roommate knows her and they've been hanging out more over there, which you would know if you came to the parties more!" 

The bus pulled up, they both flashed their passes, and got on. 

"Why can't the roommate invite her then?"

Finn gave her an annoyed face. 

"Okay. I'll tell them before class, I promise." 

-

Her last class of the day was her recitation for philosophy, which she enjoyed a lot. It was just a general education course for her, but she found the material incredibly stimulating. 

Also, she shared it with Rose, her best friend other than Finn. 

She entered the classroom and greeted Rose and asked her to call Kaydel over. Kaydel came immediately.

"Hello, I'm Rey. I'm sorry we haven't spoken before, but I'm Poe's sister and he wanted me to invite you to his birthday party on Friday. You too, Rose, of course." 

"Oh my god, you're the british one? So nice to put a face to a name! 'Course I'll come, Dameron owes me five bucks," Kaydel laughed and then went back to her seat. 

Rose raised an eyebrow at Rey, "We're actually going this time?" 

Rey nodded. "Yes, it is his birthday, I love him, and maybe I should start going out more?" 

Rey rarely went out. Between her homework and her jobs, she felt like she didn't have the time. But this is college and people party in college, right? She should too. She deserves a little fun every now and then, right? 

Maybe. She wasn't sure. 

"Yes! Yes! You should go out more. You're my best friend, I love being with you, and I love partying on the weekend. The only thing that would make partying even better is doing it with you. You deserve to have so much fun and let loose and that's exactly what we're going to do at Poe's! Happy birthday, Poe." Rose clasped her hands in excitement. 

The TA that ran recitation, Threepio, walked in and greeted the class. 

"Today, we will be expanding on the topic discussed in lecture on Monday: The Soul Theory." 

The class got out their notes as he continued, "On Monday we asked: 'What is a soul? How does it relate to our bodies, and other physical entities? What reasons are there to think that souls exist?' Professor Kenobi ran a poll that asked you whether or not you believed in souls. That poll said that 78% of you do believe, while the other 22% do not. I believe that in a world where soulmates exist, it is easy to just automatically assume that we do have a soul. That assumption is valid, but we need to dive deeper into the earlier mentioned unanswered questions. Let us look at Rene Descartes and his view on the soul, or the mind." 

Threepio began a slideshow on Descartes and Rey took notes. His detailed description of substance dualism took over half of the class. For the remainder of the time he opened up the topic for discussion. 

A few of her classmates questioned the immateriality of souls and then someone asked a question that Rey considered for a long time. 

"If souls do not exist, how do we explain soulmates? I mean, there are many theories on the matter, but if souls do not truly exist, how do we explain soul marks? Doesn't the existence of an unbreakable physical and mental connection prove the existence of a soul?" 

"That's a good question, Dopheld. What does the class think?" Threepio gestured to the room. 

The boy that sat behind Rey spoke first, "In my opinion, the concept of a soulmate is frivolous. I mean, I don't think I have one and I don't want one. Am I really supposed to believe that there is one person out there that will complete me? Am I not whole on my own? There are seven billion people on this planet and only one is right for me? The odds that everyone finds that one person is next to impossible. I have seen soulmates that just appear to be completely wrong for each other, always arguing and never getting along. I have a hard time believing that finding your soulmate even matters when the bond is like that. I am a whole by myself and I don't think they truly exist. It'll be a cold day in Hell before I get a soul mark." 

She turned slightly to view him. He looked smug after his little monologue. She had never paid him much attention.

Rose had mentioned the week prior that she thought the kid behind Rey was the hottest in the class. 

Admittedly, he was handsome, but there was something about his smirk that she couldn't describe. She didn't understand the way it made her feel. 

She decided he was an ass. If he did find his soulmate, Rey felt bad for them. 

"That is an interesting and pessimistic view, Mr. Solo. Anyone else?"

Kaydel raised her hand and Threepio called on her. 

"I was twelve when I met my soulmate. It was during a soccer game. She was on the opposing team, she tried to steal the ball from me, and when she bumped my leg... everything stopped, literally the whole game stopped. Everyone ran to us and explained what it meant, but it was weird. I didn't know her, I didn't know myself, and all these expectations came so suddenly. We navigated it together, though. The soulmate spectrum is vast, we didn't figure out what we would be to each other until much later. We're together now, romantically, but it wasn't always that way. We've both been in multiple relationships, had different partners and experiences. We have grown together and we have grown apart from each other. She isn't what makes me whole. I make myself whole. As humans, we are not broken if we do not have someone. Other people do not make us. And arguments are apart of life, they will happen no matter what. The soulmate bond is so different from any other bond. Every person will experience the bond differently and if you do get to experience it, it changes your perspective on life. I hope that if you do find yours, Solo, they will melt that cold exterior." Kaydel shot the boy behind Rey a taunting smile.

The class laughed and he did too, which surprised Rey. 

"Oh, Kaydel. You've known me for ten years. Cold day and all that," He pointed her with his pencil and it dropped out of his hand. 

The pencil landed directly to the right of Rey and she picked it up. She turned around to hand it hand it to him. 

He took it. 

Their fingers brushed. 

And there was a spark. A tingle went down Rey's hand. It was an interesting sensation when they touched, it felt like stars.

But then the realization hit.

She looked at her hand in shock. Then she looked at him. 

He looked shocked, more so than her. He stared at his hand before glancing at hers. 

Sure enough, they had matching blue marks along their hands. 

"Oh no," Rey whispered. 

"Oh my god. Solo, how's the temperature in Hell?" Kaydel boomed from across the room. 

"I've heard it's freezing. Class dismissed," Threepio turned and began packing away his things.


	2. Maz's Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: In this chapter, there is a brief mention of Rey's past that deals with her own views on soulmates, issues with Plutt, and abandonment issues. It will be the in the second and third paragraphs of the chapter, if you wish to skip that part.

Their classmates left slowly and not without stares. The boy, she only knew him as 'Solo,' and Rey sat silently avoiding eye contact with each other. What could be said? Solo had made his opinion on their situation explicitly clear only minutes ago, in front of thirty other people at that. 

When Rey was younger, she had dreamed of finding her soulmate often. She bounced around the foster system for a while, some homes were better than others. In some homes, she made friends with the other kids and in some she did not. The friendships she did have, she soon lost due to the system moving everyone around. She felt alone often. Everyone she came to care about— she lost. She feared the day she lost those in her life now. 

The very idea of someone that was meant for her, someone to always care for and love her, someone that wouldn't leave... well, that was an incredibly appealing thing for her. One day, Rey would meet them, they would get their soul mark, and that person would be her constant companion. That person would never leave her because they would never want to. They would always want her. Unlike her birth parents. Unlike her past foster parents. Unlike her old friends. Before Maz, she lived with a man named Plutt. Plutt was not a nice man, he lacked Maz's charm to say the least. He once told her that soulmates were a child's fantasy, no one could want her. No one ever would. When she was twelve, she reflected on her short life and decided that his words made sense to her. If her own parents didn't, who would?

She was sure, now more than ever, that the idea of her having a true soulmate was a child's fantasy. This was a sick cosmic joke. Despite their limited interaction, Rey thought that he was probably an ass. 

"This does not change any of the sentiments I exchanged with the class," Solo said coldly. He stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. 

Definitely an ass. 

She stood up and crossed her arms, "Really? With your attitude, I'd thought you'd be writing me poems by now." 

He glared down at her. Kriff, he was tall.

"I am no Neruda. In any case, I do not wish to do anything with this. I didn't want this." 

She scoffed, "Trust me, I am not thrilled with this either; however, we do have to fill out paperwork." 

"Do we?" She could feel his irritation along with her own. He could feel hers. A side effect of their newly forged bond. Their shared emotions would take some getting used to. Rey decided that she would learn how to shut her mind off from his. A quick Google research plunge would teach her how to deal with all this.

Rey rolled her eyes at him. "I'm considering grad school and I can't really attend it if I'm in prison, so I would prefer if you could have the necessary paperwork filled out about yourself by Friday's lecture. I'll take both our papers to the Soulmate Registration Bureau and give you your card when it comes." 

He eyed her curiously, "Thank you. I'll see you Friday." 

He left.

She was glad. 

Rey gathered her things and checked her phone. Rose had texted her that she would have stayed for emotional support, but her organic chemistry lab was today and her professor does not accept any lab report turned in past 2:30 pm. Rey texted her back, thanking her, and left the classroom. 

\- 

Her shift at Maz's Castle was a welcome distraction. She got to see all the warm faces of the diner's regulars, business was steady enough to keep her constantly moving, and the tips were better than usual. 

The moment replayed in her mind when she looked at her hand: The pencil dropped to the right side of her and she'd grabbed it with her left hand, extended it to him, and then their fingers brushed. 

The mark felt so foreign to her. Soul marks are unique to each pair, and are often placed were the first touched occurred. He must've brushed her left ring finger first because her light blue mark swirled down her left ring finger to the back middle of her hand. 

She wondered if she could pass it off as a weird vein. Until then, she keep her hand hidden in her sleeve or behind the trays she carried. Outside of work, she plans to wear gloves. It's the beginning of February, she can hide it for a while.

Rey isn't ready for people to ask her about it, especially the diner's regulars. Rey just knew that they'd throw millions of questions her way. She'd tell Finn when they were alone, eating burgers, and doing homework. Rey smiled to herself, she couldn't wait for that peaceful moment. She'd tell Maz at home. Maz left the diner at four. She had to get Phoebe off the bus at 4:30. She probably would not tell Phoebe, she's only 8. 

Maz had told Rey to only work two hours, but Rey needed the distraction of a longer shift. She called to ask Maz if she could be closing server and to send the others home at 8:30, when business basically come to a stop. Closing time was at 10, only an hour and a half away, and her and Finn were the only ones in the restaurant. 

"What do you want on your burger tonight? Are we feeling light toppings or should I pile 'em up?" Finn asked her that from the kitchen window. She was sitting down at the counter. 

"Pile that shit! Bacon, cheese, lettuce, pickle. Give me the works, Finn, I need it. You're in for some serious Rey news time." 

"My favorite type of news," he laughed. 

"I like Rey news, too. Can I join?" A different, but familiar voice asked. 

The unmistakable voice of Poe Dameron. 

"Depends... do you come bearing gifts?" Finn exited the kitchen. 

"You wound me, my love," Poe clutched his chest, "Of course." He tosses Finn a small, reusable grocery bag. Finn opens it and pulls out an energy drink and his cell phone charger. "Phoebe left one of her headbands in my car, so that's in there too. Rey, for you, I brought the best gift."

"And what is that?" 

"It's me. I'm the gift." 

"Got a receipt?" 

"That hurt, Niima. Seriously though, two of my roommates are coming here shortly. I promise we'll be the best table you've ever had, big tip too," He grins at her cheekily. 

"I'm sure," she grins back, "What do you want to drink?" 

"Water with lemon, please." He sits down at the booth with the most direct view through the kitchen window, probably to give him the best view of Finn on grill. Rey nods at him and enters the kitchen. 

"We taking bets on what Poe's getting this time? His regular is Maz's Specialty Breakfast, but it is 'Wednesday Wing' night. Loser cleans the fryer," Finn challengers her from across the kitchen. 

She grabs a glass from the cup-rack, "Did he eat breakfast this morning?" 

"I don't know..." 

The door chimes. Poe's roommates are here. 

"Yes, you do." 

"Fine, he did. He had cereal." 

"Poe hates cereal. I think you're trying trick me. I think you don't want to clean the fryer," she says as she fills the cup with ice. 

"Fine, I don't want to clean the fryer. He didn't eat breakfast." 

"Then, I bet he'll get Maz's Specialty Breakfast. French toast, bacon, and," she fills up the cup with water, "scrambled eggs." Then plops a lemon on top. 

"I bet he'll get the french toast, bacon, and over-medium eggs," he extends his arm for a handshake. She shakes it with her right. 

"You're on!" 

Poe yells from the dining area that he's going to grab something from his car, completely oblivious to Finn and Rey's bet. 

She walks out and two new bodies are at the booth. Their faces are buried in the menus. She can't see their faces. 

She sets down Poe's water and greets them, "Hello, I'm Rey. It's Wednesday Wing night, that's ten wings for two dollars. Can I get you both something to drink?"

One of the menus covering the face of one of Poe's roommates drops immediately. Rey's eyes meet a pair of deep brown ones. 

Solo. 

He looks at her incredulously: "You're here?'" 

Her hand tingled again. A sweet sensation, she thought. Too bad the man on the other end of the sensation was anything but. 

"Yes, I am, you're exceptionally observant," she could feel the tension grow in their shared bond, "Can I get you a drink?" 

"I'll take a hot chocolate if you have it," said the oblivious red-haired man next to him. 

Solo cleared his throat, "Is it possible for us to have a different waitress?" 

"I'm the only one here."

"And I asked for her! Ben and Hux, this is Rey. She's the foster sister you haven't met," Poe was by Rey's side smiling. 

So his name was Ben. 

Ben Solo. 

Ben Solo's face dropped into his hand. "Of course she is," he murmured. 

Poe looked at her confused, "Do you two know each other?" 

"I've had the displeasure. Solo, are you going to order a drink?" 

"Water." He grimaced. 

"I'll be back then," she flashed a fake smile at Poe and ran into the kitchen. 

Quite a few curse words were running through Rey's head as she entered the kitchen. She wasn't entirely sure if they were all hers. His discomfort and shock rang as prevalent in her mind as her own. 

Finn walked up to her. "I heard all of that. What is going on?" 

"Okay, so Rey news time is going to happen right now. Uh, so today has been the worst bloody day of my life," she started Hux's hot chocolate, "In my philsophy recitation we talked about the existence of souls and soulmates. Mr. Tall, dark, and broody out there went on a rant about how soulmates suck and that he hates them and that he never wants one ever, like ever. And then, because the gods hate me, this happened," she showed Finn her left hand. 

Finn's mouth fell open and he loudly asked, "What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Keep your voice down! He'll hear us. I was going to tell you after we closed, during Rey news time." 

"I think something like this warrants an earlier Rey news time," Finn says in an angry, sarcastic tone. 

Rey turns her attention back to Hux's hot chocolate and adds whipped cream in silence.

"How do you feel about all this?" Finn puts his hand on her shoulder. 

"I don't know," she begins to make Ben's water. 

"Rey." 

"I mean, we've talked about this, Finn. I never expected to have one, really. I don't think I wanted one. Maybe I did want one, long ago, but a lot has changed. I've changed and so has my views on the subject of me and soulmates and love." 

Finn stared at her with sad eyes. She hated when people did that. 

"I've found him, though, and he's a complete knob." Rey sighed and put the two drinks on her tray. She had to go back out there. 

"If he doesn't like you, or even give you a chance, he's an idiot, Rey. You deserve the best, always," Finn smiled slightly.

She returned the smile. With shaky arms and a tingling hand, she walked back into the dining area. 

Back to Ben.

\- 

Of all the possible bad situations, Ben did not imagine this one. And he was quite good at imagining the worst possible outcomes to his decisions. 

Rey was in the kitchen, far from him, but he felt her presence burn in him like a fire. 

He stared down at his hand. The little blue constant reminder of her. 

Rey. 

He had not told Hux, or Poe, or anyone. He'd have to now. Would she tell Poe first? Did Poe already know? Who all knew? Besides their entire philosophy recitation class. And Finn. Finn was being told about it at this very moment. Ben could feel the relief Rey felt by telling him. 

Ben took his gaze off his hand to look at her. The fire inside of him began to rage as she drew nearer. 

As she neared him, their eyes locked. And despite the mutual uncertainty, despite the nervousness, and despite her resentment toward him, his proximity and his gaze made her feel like pure light. 

Ben felt it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to be on a regular update schedule, so look out for new chapters every Saturday. I haven't decided exactly how many chapters this will be. I think it's ranging 15-20 in the (not so set in stone) plan. I updated twice this weekend due to upcoming finals and I do wish to procrastinate for a little longer.  
> my twitter and tumblr: @goldenanidala  
> please leave questions, comments and/or concerns & let me know what you like!
> 
> Also, get it? Phoebe is 8. Phoebe 8. BB-8. Oh, I think it's funny!


	3. Mustard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Into the enigmatic mind of Ben Solo...

It was not a feeling he was happy about, nor did he like it. 

Ben Solo did not spend years resenting everything about soulmates to change his mind now. He had read _plenty_ about people living without their soulmate, and even though it was considered "difficult," he had always been determined to do it. He _had_ to do it. 

His boss and mentor, Andrew Snoke, lived without a soulmate. If Ben wanted to be as successful and as powerful as that man, he would live without one too. Snoke had told him countless times that having a soulmate bond was like being chained, restricted from your fullest potential. 

* * *

_"I remember when I met my soulmate, her name was Myra," Snoke said one day in the office, "Pretty little thing she was, but that matters not. She tried, in vain, to change me. She said that there are more important things in life than power, than strength. Of course, she was wrong. When I got rid of her, I gained the biggest victory of my life. Through that victory, my chains were broken. I was freed."_

_Ben had thought of his parents, of his grandparents, of his friends that had their soulmates. No matter the nature of their bond, they all did not seem to feel these chains, did not act as if they were restricted. How could this be right?_

_Snoke had sensed his hesitation and confusion, "Pathetic child, you know not of the world. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo, too much naivety. Weak."_

_"_ _I am not my father. I am not Han," Ben protested angrily._

_"Prove it then. Rid yourself of weakness, unbalance, and the conflict in your mind. If the bond ever happens to you, let it die. Do not be like the foolish before you, like your parents. Do not doubt me, child. I am all you will ever have. Look to me. Listen to me, and maybe you'll one day stop being... well, you."_

* * *

Ben thought of this encounter often. He took Snoke's word to heart. He would not be a foolish, pathetic child ever again. Never like his father. Never like his Uncle Luke. Snoke had insisted that men like them didn't fulfill their destinies. They were weak. 

Ben would not be weak. He would gain power, he would kill the past, and make a new life. A successful life, void of this bond. 

He would let it die, even though the girl walking towards him made his body burn in the most wonderful ways. Ways he never knew he wanted or needed. 

But he would not be consumed by this fire. _By her._

Rey set down their drinks and Ben snapped out of thought. 

He put on a mask. His flawless facade of indifference towards, now focused solely on Rey Niima. 

"So, have you all decided what you'd like to eat?" Rey asked the three men sheepishly. 

Ben's breath hitched. Gods, that accent. Her voice was dulcet... he stopped himself before his mind wondered farther. He mustn't allow this weakness to grow any further. Let it die. 

Poe spoke first. "I'm thinking Maz's Specialty Breakfast: French toast, bacon, and over-medium eggs, please." 

Rey made a face. "Are you sure? Scrambled eggs are so much better. Right, boys?" She looks at Ben and Hux with pleading eyes. 

"You can't do that!" A voice, Finn, yells from the kitchen window that overlooks the dining room. 

Rey waves him off. 

"I don't like eggs," Hux says. 

"You don't like eggs? Hugs, they're the essential breakfast food," Poe teases him. 

Hux shrugs. 

"Over-medium eggs are better," Ben says flatly. 

Rey rolls her eyes, "Of course you disagree," she looks at Finn. He's smirking at her. "Guess I'm cleaning the fryer." 

"Did you guys bet on my meal?" Poe asked and Rey nodded. "And Finn won? That's my man. He must be smarter than you." He shook his head disapproval at Rey.

"Oi, you got scrambled eggs last time. Pardon me for thinking you to be a man of habit." 

She goes on to say more, but Ben interrupts: "Enough with the banter. Are you going to allow the rest of us to order?" 

Poe says his name, but his eyes are locked with hers. They're staring at each other, both determined to outlast the other. There's skepticism and rage behind her eyes. Hazel eyes. Beautiful hazel eyes that he could get lost in. He can feel himself blush, so he turns away, finally, breaking eye contact. 

Rey raises an eyebrow in victory, "Sorry, sunshine. For you?" Her voice is dripping in sarcasm. 

"Burger. Mustard only," he manages to say this as coldly as possible. 

"A bitter condiment for a bitter man. Fitting," her eyes narrow at him. 

Ben wants to say something else, but her attention goes to Hux. He clenches his jaw in anger and watches her. She's smiling at Hux as he gives her his order. They joke at each other and laugh. Poe joins in with them and nudges Ben to join. Ben does not. Less than twenty-four hours with this girl and she's managed to push all his buttons. The fire raged on inside of him. He could feel her burning inside his mind. Rey was on edge. He didn't look at her when he pressed into her mind. Rey was confused and she was angry too. So angry. Angry at more than just their situation. Ben could not see what all troubled her, but it seemed to be a lot. He didn't want that for her, though. He wanted to take away her pain, he wanted to see her happy. Most of all, he wanted her to smile at him like she did at Hux and Poe only seconds ago. 

**No**.

Snoke would disapprove of all these thoughts. He absolutely must stop having them. He cannot have them. He will not have them. He closes himself and his mind off from her, Snoke had once told him how. 

Ben decides to think of something or anything else. He stares at the end of the table, deflecting from her as she walks away from their table to put the order in. He can distantly hear Hux and Poe rambling about some inconsequential things.

Rey had called him bitter. Ben reassured himself that he was not bitter. 

Ben Solo is a lot of things, but bitter is not one of them. No matter what she says, he is not bitter. He's sensible. She knows not what he does. Rey Niima has never met Andrew Snoke, so she doesn't have him in her head. Rey doesn't all of the wisdom that has been imparted upon him by that man. She doesn't understand. She can't understand. She doesn't have Snoke in her head. Ben nods to himself satisfied with this revelation. 

Poe knocks him out of thought by nudging him with an arm, "Hey, buddy. You're my friend and I love you, but whatever beef you have with Rey need to end. Now. I can't imagine her doing something to piss you off this much, nor can I imagine you doing something to piss her off that much. I've never seen either of you act like this. But no matter who started it, I'm ending it. She's my sister, dude. Do not be an ass to her. After tonight you don't have to see her again, okay?" 

Ben scoffed and Hux snorted. Ben looked at him in shock. 

"Well, Ben and Rey do have philosophy together. So, Benny boy, minus the whole Monday, Wednesday, Friday thing. You can just ignore her existence. She has never come to our house, I can't imagine that she start now. Also, you graduate in May. What are the odds that you see her after spring semester ends?" Hux stares at Ben for a response. 

"Greater than you think, unfortunately," Ben stirs his drink with his straw. He contemplates telling them about the situation. He definitely could not keep it a secret forever, not from his roommates. Or Snoke. Oh no. What would Snoke say when he told him? 

Ben shuddered at the thought. 

He could try to keep it a secret, though. He could wear gloves. Or get a tattoo that covered it. Or say it was a weird vein? 

No, not the last one. Would he tell his mother? He hadn't spoken to her in a while, but this was something that warranted a phone call, right? 

No, he wouldn't tell anyone that didn't need to know. Ben had planned on ignoring the situation. He would be like Snoke. He would be powerful and successful without a soulmate. He hated the conflict that raged on in his mind. He felt so torn on what to do, but he decided that his confusion on the matter only proved Snoke right, Ben was _weak, foolish, and pathetic._

Let the bond die. 

Let the bond die. 

"Today in class I dropped my pencil," Ben said finally. 

"Riveting," Hux and Poe commented in unison. 

He ignored their sarcasm, "Rey sits in front of me in recitation. The pencil rolled next to her and she handed it to me. When she did, my hand must've brushed hers and this happened." 

Ben lifted his hand and stuck it out so that Hux and Poe could see his mark. Poe's hand shot out to grab it. Hux stood up and walked around the booth to stand next to him. They studied his hand and stared at it incredulously. 

"Oh my gods. How could this happen? How can this be?" Poe's eyebrows furrowed as he flipped Ben's hand around, looking at the mark. 

Hux took his hand away from Poe to examine it for himself. "Ha, this is fucking fantastic."   
  
  


Ben glared at them both and yanked his hand back. "Not fantastic, my worst fear has come true. I didn't want this." 

Hux sat back down, "Regardless, it happened. What are you going to do, Solo? So far your girl doesn't seem too keen on you." 

Thanks to Snoke and his lessons on the dangers of soulmates, Ben knew how to cut his thoughts off from Rey. Rey did not know how to cut her mind off from Ben, yet. He could feel her emotions fluctuate as Hux spoke. He could also feel her moving in the kitchen, nearing him. 

She and Finn came out of the kitchen carrying their dinners on trays, "Don't stop your conversation on our account. We've heard worse." Rey began to sit down the plates of food in front of them. 

"Not my girl. And I plan to do nothing other than the necessary legal paperwork," he added that last part for her benefit, "I will not play into something that has been decided for me. Certainly not with someone so disagreeable and mundane." 

He regretted it as soon as it escaped his lips, but he had to maintain appearances. He meant what he said, he always did. He did not have any intention of partaking in this soulmate business. 

"Excuse me? Are you kidding me?" Finn looked at him and then at Poe. 

"Ben- that's enough. I will not have you speaking to her like that," Poe's tone was angrier than Ben had ever heard it. 

"Thank you, Finn. Thank you, Poe. But I can handle myself. Despite our relationship, or lack therof, you do not know me, Ben Solo. From the moment we touched, you did not give me a chance. You decided your opinion of me before even knowing my name. That is unfair and I am so tired of things in my life being unfair. You are not the only one that is affected by this, you know that right? Or are you so incredibly self-centered and ridiculous that you have not even for a second considered my feelings?" 

She searched his face, but he had already put the mask back on. 

"Of course you haven't," she sighed, "On Fridays, we get shipments of food delivered here. One of the items we receive is ice cream. They keep the ice cream with dry ice to keep it frozen. Dry ice does not melt, it sublimes. If stored in an area without proper ventilation, the dry ice will sublime and cause those around it to inhale carbon dioxide. Inhaling too much seriously damage the body. Touching it also can cause frostbite. In class, Kaydel said that she hoped that your soulmate would melt your cold exterior. I think that to be impossible because you are like dry ice. You hurt those that get too close. Your frozen exterior will never be melted. Good luck with that."   
  
  


Ben looked at her, mask still on, "This is your opinion of me?" 

"From my brief acquaintance with you, your manners, your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others have proven this opinion." 

They stare at each other for a minute, no one daring to speak. 

When Ben finally does, he aims to hurt her further, "Fine then. That doesn't matter to me. After all, I've never thought anything you've said to have much substance. The input you put forth in Threepio's open discussions have always been incredibly underwhelming." 

He rises from the booth and exits the diner, leaving them all behind him. 

It's raining slightly and Ben stares out into the city before him. The parking lot of Maz's Diner has a rather good view of Takonda's skyline. He watches the cars pass the diner and admires the lights of the skyscrapers, the lights of the city. He looks up at the stars. The night sky was beautiful and he loved to admire its beauty. 

He isn't sure how long he's been out there watching the city life when Poe and Hux exit the diner and approach him. 

"We put your burger in a box," Hux gives him an awkward smile. 

"Thanks, I'm sorry for what happened." Ben gives a slight, half smile at his two friends. 

Poe does not return it. "I don't think we're the ones who deserve an apology, Solo. How you acted was uncalled for. I don't care how upset you are with this situation, I understand this isn't something that you wanted, but it isn't her fault. You shouldn't be malicious to her for something she had no part in causing. I want you to apologize to her." 

"Poe, I told you that I wanted no part in this-" 

Poe cut him off, "I don't care what you wanted. It happened. She is your soulmate whether you like it or not. You don't have to fall in love with her, you don't have to be her friend, but you can be a civilized human being to her. So go, apologize, and Hux and I will see you at home." 

"Be sincere, you piece of shit," Hux gives Ben two thumbs up, "Love you." 

He is left there. Alone in the rain and staring at the diner. 

"Fuck," he mummers as he starts towards the glass doors. 

He opens the door slowly. Rey is sweeping and her back is towards him, "We're closed!" She sounds surprisingly cheery. 

He clears his throat. 

"I said we're closed... Oh, it's you," Rey stopped sweeping and leaned against the broom, "Come back to insult me more?" 

"No."   
  


"Oh, let me guess! Even the way I sweep screams mediocrity to you?" She's mocking him. 

"I came to apologize," Ben meets their eyes. 

"Oh," she says softly. 

"Poe thinks I should."   
  
  


She makes a noise, sort of like a laugh. "If you're not here of your own accord, then your words mean nothing to me." 

Ben clenches his jaw. His eyes are fixated on her. "We're in philosophy together, do you think anything is of our own accord? Our own free will?" 

"So he's got jokes? Here I thought you only had malice." 

"Is there a problem here?" Finn's voice is distant. 

"No, Finn it's okay. He's leaving."   
  
  


"Please hear me out, Rey," Ben pleads. His face softens. 

She eyes him cautiously, "Just give us a second, please."

"Okay, I'll clean the fryer. You've dealt with enough bullshit today, Rey." Ben could feel Finn's gaze on him, but he never took his eyes off Rey. 

"If you're going to take up my time you can at least help me clean up," she tossed him a wet rag, "start by disinfecting the tables." 

She resumed sweeping and he started wiping down the nearest table-top.

"You're right about me. I've judged you and treated you unfairly. I've made an ass of myself."   
  


"Understatement. Go on," she said without looking at him. 

"I'm sorry for what I said about you. I have not known you long or well enough to make such a harsh comment." 

"Thank you," Rey looked at him now, "I'm sorry for what I said about you." 

"I appreciate that, but you have no need to be. What you said was true and based on fact. What I said was based on a fictitious version of you that I've had in my mind before I even met you. I have acted as all of the things you've said in the brief time we've spent together. I cannot promise to not be an ass, but I can promise to try. I can be civil." 

She had finished sweeping and she walked towards him. She stood only two feet from him. 

"Then I'm sure we can begin to manage this better, if we both agree to be civil," a reassuring smile was on her lips. 

Ben would be lying if he said that that smile wasn't the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Everything she had said about him was true. He did not deserve her forgiveness, so why was she so quick so forgive him? He studied her face to look for any sign of deceit. He found none. He only found those beautiful hazel eyes, looking at him with hope and sincerity. 

And he found freckles like constellations. 

Looking at her felt like looking at the night sky. 

He took a deep breath to rid himself of this thought. "While my sentiments on _you_ have changed, they have not on our situation. I can be civil to you, but I will not take part in the bond. I do not believe in it. My mentor, Snoke, has lived his life avoiding the soulmate bond. If he can do it, so can we. He described the bond like being restricted by chains. He said that not being involved with the bond freed him, brought him success. I do not wish to be restricted by metaphorical chains. I do not wish it for you." 

"He said it was like chains? And somehow that is wisdom?" She takes a step closer. 

Ben just nods. She takes another step closer. 

"Poe said that whether I like it or not, you are my soulmate. And I yours. I do not wish to have anything more than a civil acquaintanceship with you. And while we may have disagreements on almost everything so far, I'm sure we will navigate the rest together. Legally speaking, we have to?" 

Rey laughed remembering the paperwork and identity cards that would soon declare them legally bound to each other. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. 

He jerked at the unexpected touch and he bumped into the table next to him. The mustard bottle on the table fell off, broke, then spilled out onto the floor. 

"Oh no! Well, I suppose it's a good thing you like mustard," Rey laughed at him. 

"You said it was bitter," Ben said quietly. A bitter condiment for a bitter man. 

She looked at him thoughtfully for a second, "I like bitter things. I'll go get a mop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finals week, sorry for the late update! The response to this story has blown my mind??? Your kind words have made me smile and made me incredibly happy. I hope you're enjoying and I hope you're all well. Pride and Prejudice reference thrown in here because I believe that Mr. Ben Solo is the Mr. Darcy of space.


	4. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Poe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// past trauma & underage drinking

Rey left the diner feeling better about her soulmate situation than she did when she arrived.

Ben Solo is a jerk, but he's a _tolerable_ jerk. Rey can deal with a tolerable jerk. She's already dealt with plenty of intolerable jerks in her life, so Ben Solo couldn't be too much of a challenge. Could he? She thinks not. 

The past of Rey Niima was a past filled with pain, sorrow, and disappointment. She tried not to reflect on or relive it, but it can be hard not to think about the experiences and thoughts that have shaped so much of who you are. The memories of her parent's abandonment, the bleakness and horror of the years spent at Unkar Plutt's, and her underlying fear of inevitable loneliness. Rey knew that these things would always haunt and hurt her, so when her past did come back to her, Rey tried to force it out of her mind or distract herself. And maybe one day, she would heal from all this. Maybe one day, she wouldn't have to distract herself or force things out of her mind. 

But what cannot heal must be endured. 

Rey had endured pain her whole life, so she could certainly endure something as simple as a civil acquaintance with Ben Solo. 

~

Thursday passed slowly. Classes seemed to drag on for Rey, which felt unusual as she normally enjoyed that day's coursework. Nevertheless, the school day did end and she made her way to the city's Soulmate Registration Bureau. 

The SRB was located on the east side of Takonda. A small building with tan walls, gray furniture, and glass windows. There's a few people in the waiting area and Rey has to take a number to get in line. She rips off a piece of paper with the number ten. There's only one older woman working the desk. The woman called the next person, who had seven. Rey hoped she wouldn't have to be there too long. She took a seat in one of the chairs lined along the wall and glanced around the room. There was a side table next to her with newspapers and magazines. She looked to her left and saw a wall of pamphlets. 

**"SOULMATES 101."**

**"LEARNING TO NAVIGATE YOUR BOND."**

**"PLATONIC SOULMATES."**

**"SIBLING SOULMATES."**

**"ROMANTIC SOULMATES."**

**"COPING WITH THE DEATH OF YOUR SOULMATE."**

There was no pamphlet for what to do if your soulmate wanted nothing to do with you. Also, no "civil acquaintance and limited interaction" pamphlet. Rey sighed and slipped the two that appealed to her the most into her book bag. 

When the woman working called her number, an hour had passed. The woman gave Rey the proper paperwork and informed her that her ID card would come in the mail within two weeks of both sets of paperwork being turned in. Rey thanked her and went home. The paperwork didn't look as excruciatingly painful as she thought it would, it looked like it would take only her twenty minutes tops. 

Rey had been right, of course, only twenty minutes. When she finished her homework and paperwork, she flung herself on her bed and made a mental to-do list for the next day: 

  1. Go to school
  2. Get paperwork from Ben 
  3. Talk to Ben? Get Poe's present
  4. Drop off paperwork at the SRB
  5. Go to party
  6. See Ben at Party, I mean he will be there right? It's his house too. Talk to him some more? Get to know him? Have fun with friends 



The plan felt simple enough. Hopefully, the execution would be too.

* * *

Rose and Rey sat in Rey's bedroom as they got ready to go to Poe's. Rose had thrown together multiple outfits for them to possibly wear while Rey wrapped their presents and wondered silently to herself. The planned to-do list that Rey had for the day had gone slightly askew. Despite her better judgement earlier that day, Rey had looked for Ben when she entered the large lecture hall, hoping to sit by him for the sole purpose of obtaining his papers, but he never came. She had stared, in vain, at the entrance waiting for him to arrive and he never showed. Rey shook her head disapprovingly at herself, she was beginning to think that she had a bad habit of waiting for people that didn’t show. 

Ben’s absence in class had Rey feeling a little uneasy, but she knew that she should not and did not want to feel that way. So why did she? In her absence, Ben would not feel a thing and Rey knew that. After all, he had established the day before that she would not be anything other than acquaintance to him. To him, she would be nothing more and hopefully less. 

Rey really did believe what Plutt had said to her all those years ago: that she would always be unwanted, so her having a loving, caring soulmate was a child’s fantasy. Even though this situation, with Ben not wanting her in any capacity, should not come as a surprise, Rey still felt disappointed. Disappointed that the one person, that was determined by some philosophically debated and unknown force, that was meant to be there for her… would not be. Disappointed that Plutt _really was right_ , after all. 

Rose pulled Rey out of thought, “So, which is better with my jeans: the blue top with sequins or the cropped sweater?” Rose was holding both shirts on their hangers and contemplating her choice. 

“They’d both look great with your jeans, but it is February so I vote the sweater for warmth.” Rey pointed at the hanger with a lavender sweater. 

“We’re going to be inside, taking a taxi there, and spending the night on Poe’s couch. I have a coat and I won’t be outside long enough for me to get that cold,” Rose raised the other hanger higher. Rey knew this was the indication that she wanted to wear the sequins. 

“Blue top then.” 

“I’m so glad we agree! Are you almost done wrapping?” Rose asked while she put the top on. 

Rey looked at Poe’s gift then put a silvery bow on top. She nodded at Rose, “Let’s go.” 

~

There’s a lot of people that Rey’s never seen in Poe’s house when she enters. The entrance hallway is dimly lit, way too crowded, and way too narrow, but Rose and Rey were able to squeeze themselves through a sea of unfamiliar drunk college students and into the living room. The rest of the house is filled with more people and loud music. Different colored lights flashed around them. 

Rose spoke over the music, “Do you see Poe or Finn?” 

Rey examined the crowd arounf them and shook her head no. “Maybe they’ll be in the kitchen?” 

Rose grabbed onto Rey’s arm and started pulling her towards the direction of the kitchen, “Even if they’re not, we can get drinks in the kitchen!”  
  
“Oh, I don’t think I’ll drink tonight. Gotta shift at the garage at two, so…” Rey stopped speaking abruptly when they entered the kitchen. It was less crowded than the other rooms and Finn and Poe were there chatting with a group of people. Rey recognized two of them, Armitage Hux and Kaydel, among them. She also recognized someone else in the kitchen area, but he wasn’t directly facing her. He was leaning back against the wall farest from her and he looked quite busy. 

Busy meaning that he and a pretty brunette were sloppily eating each other’s faces. 

Seeing _Ben Solo_ with his tongue down another girl’s throat wasn’t on her to-do list, but that to-do list had already gone to shit because of his actions so what was another? Rey’s hand and her stomach panged.

“Scratch that, Rosie, I will be getting severely hammered,” Rey winced at the sight before her. 

Rose made a noise of disgust. “Yeah, that’s gross. Liquer?” 

The two women took their attention off of the objectively grotesque display in the far end of the kitchen and walked toward their friends. 

“Happy birthday, Poe!” Rey and Rose yelled in unison. Rey thrust the wrapped presents towards him with a smile. 

“Rey! Rosie!” Poe and Finn wrapped them both in a group hug. “Thank you so much for coming to my party, I love you,” Poe’s words slurred a little, “I’m going to put this beautifully wrapped gift in my bedroom. I love it.” 

Rey and Rose giggled at the birthday boy.

Finn laughed at him too, “Be careful up the stairs, dear,” he turned to face Rey and Rose, “Did you just get here? Need something to drink?” 

They both nodded. Finn grabbed bottles, two plastic cups, then wrote their names on them. 

“Something strong, please. Weird week and all,” Rey replied. 

“You can say that again,” Finn teased and poured the alcohol. He handed the cups to Rose and Rey. Rose sipped her cup. 

Rey downed hers in seconds. The liquid burned her throat like the desert of Jakku used to burn her skin. “More please,” she croaked. 

“Sure, but drink this one slower. You don’t drink, like ever, so you probably have a low tolerance,” Finn took her cup and refilled it. 

Ignoring him, she downed the next drink and gestured for another. He took the cup hesitantly and whispered something to Rose that Rey didn’t hear. 

“Slowly or we’re cutting you off,” they both said. Rey stuck her tongue out at the two of them. She took a sip. “See, I can handle it,” she said, only slightly stumbling on her words. Rey’s body felt warm and different. 

Armitage Hux approached the trio and introduced himself to them, well to Rose. The two of them seemed to hit it off almost immediately, Rey thought. Poe returned, blew Rey a kiss, and tugged Finn away to introduce him to some friends. Rey sighed in relief, with her only friends at the party distracted, she could drink however much she pleased. She looked to where Ben had been, but he was gone now. No doubt rushing away at the sight of her. Whatever, Rey thought, she doesn’t care what he does, does she? Instead of answering herself, she grabs Finn’s bottle off the counter and drinks until it tastes like water. 

Approximately thirty minutes later, a very drunk Rey grabs Rose away from her conversation with Hux and begs her to play beer pong. “C’mooooooooooon Posie, the dining room is practically an arena and we’ve never been beaten.” 

“We’ve played together once,” Rose pointed out. 

“Still undefeated.”

“Until you play me that is. Solo and I also happen to be an undefeated team,” Hux interrupted before putting an arm around Rose. 

“Oh you are so on!” Rose challenges him. He gives her a smug smile. 

“I must warn you, I am fueled by spite and the desire to crush all competition. There’s no way you can win,” Hux teased, or at least Rey thinks he was teasing. “Solo, get off of Baz and help me crush our new friends in pong!” 

The three of them approached the table. Ben came into the dining room and his eyes immediately locked with Rey’s, “I’m not playing. Ponged out. Baz and I will watch.” 

Kriff, Rey thought, his voice was so deep and lovely. And so tall, like a tree. A tree she could climb… Sober Rey wouldn’t like that. 

“Your girlfriend is leaving soon anyways and we need to beat them. They claim to be undefeated,” Hux protests. 

Ben looks at Rey again and crosses his arms. “No,” he deadpanned, “I’m going to walk her out then go to bed.” He and the girl leave after that. 

Why did he still seem so angry with her? They did agree to be civil acquaintances and civil acquaintances could totally play beer pong against each other. Also, a girlfriend? Rey knew that she knew next to nothing about Ben, but she would have liked to know about **_that._ **

“I’ll play,” a new voice came. It belonged to a very attractive man with short brown hair, “I’m Iolo Arana, Poe’s friend from flight school.” He extended his hand to Hux for a handshake and he took it. 

“You better be good,” Hux responded. 

“Got killer aim. Best in Poe’s squadron.” Iolo Arana picked up one of the balls, pointed to the cup closest to Rey, and sank it in.

“Okay, I can work with that,” Hux said. And so, the game began. Rose was much better than Rey, which was due to Rey’s lack of experience, but Rey was surprisingly decent still. Everytime she made it into one of the cups, Rey obnoxiously celebrated and high fived or hugged Rose. Both teams were down to the last cup and Rey pulled Rose off to the side for a team meeting. 

“Rose, listen,” her words were slurring more intensely than before, “I cannot take another sip of beer or I will die.” 

“You won’t die.”

“I will die, Rose. We need to win to win this, so that these men’s egos can be crushed properly and so that I don’t vomit in Poe’s house and on his birthday.” She stumbled back a little and Rose nodded. 

Hux and Iolo took their respective shots and missed. “If we lose, I am throwing you out of my house,” Hux said to Iolo. Iolo laughed and started to tease Rey and Rose from across the table. Iolo focused more on teasing Rey, though. Rey thought that he may be drunkenly flirting with her and drunk Rey did not mind it. Maybe he would flirt with her when they were sober too. She hoped he would. Sober Rey might like it too. 

Rose went first and missed her shot, so it was up to Rey to win the game for them. And she did. The ping-pong ball went directly into the solo cup and Rey and Rose jumped up and down excitedly while Hux covered his face in shame. He turned to Iolo, “Good effort, mate, but not good enough.” 

“Fair enough,” Iolo shook Hux’s hand again and the two men walked towards Rey and Rose. 

After a few minutes of post-game chatter and teasing, the effects of the alcohol really hit Rey hard and she stumbled to the ground. Rose and Hux helped her get back up. Rose shook her head then put her hand on Rey’s lower back. “How about we sit down and get you some water?” Rey grunted in response, feeling the world around her begin to become much blurrier than before. Rose guided her to the couch in the living room. 

“I can get you some water,” Iolo offered. A please was muttered by Rey in response. 

“No, I’ll get it,” a different deeper voice interjected. Rey stopped paying attention to who was around her then. A few minutes later, a large hand came into her field of vision with a cup filled with water. She took it and drank it slowly. 

“If you’d like and promise not to throw up in it, you can sleep in my bed tonight. I’ll sleep on the recliner down here,” Hux offered. 

“No, it’s okay. Poe already offered your couch for tonight. I don’t want to be an intrusion,” Rey objected. 

“You’d be more comfortable in a bed and it’s no problem, I like it down here. My room is the one to the left of Poe’s. Do you need help up the stairs?” Hux took her water from her. 

“No, I got it. Thank you. Wake me in the morning if you’re up before me, I have to do a garage thing.” Rey walked away from her friends and stumbled up the stairs. She saw Poe’s room and opened the door next to it. It was dark, but she found a lamp on a desk and turned it on. The room was neat and decorated with very little color. Mostly just blacks, grays, and a few pops of red. She examined Hux’s room because Drunk Rey was feeling a little nosy. If she could remember what she saw, she would tell Rose all about his belongings in the morning. Rey could tell that Rose and Hux hit it off and if they were going to get to get together, it was Rey’s duty to do this. So, she stumbled about his room and looked at his shelves. He had a bookshelf with books on politics, business, and the law. Boring… but something else caught her eye. He also had several books of poetry and he had almost all of her favorite novels. “A man of taste,” Rey said aloud. She looked on the desk, and under the light of the lamp, sat a calligraphy set. “Who does calligraphy?” 

“I do,” a familiar deep voice surprised her. Rey jumped and turned around. “You’re in the wrong room.”

It was Ben. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated May the Fourth and Revenge of the Fifth :)   
> I wasn't sure if I should tag this underage drinking or not because 1) this is based in a fake planet/city and i don't know the drinking rules of the Star Wars universe? 2) Rey, Finn, and Rose are all 19ish at this point in the story so it's only underage in America? Which doesn't exist in Star Wars? Better be safe just in case!
> 
> I tried to make this a longer chapter since i was late with the last update. Last Saturday was my birthday, so I was a tad occupied. I will try to get back on schedule, I promise :)
> 
> Rose's outfit was inspired by Kelly Marie Tran's dress at the LA Rise of Skywalker premiere. I'm in love with her. 
> 
> I hope this chapter was enjoyable for you all. 
> 
> Star Wars References  
> IoIo Arana (https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Iolo_Arana) 
> 
> twitter & tumblr: @goldenanidala


	5. Wish You Were Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real sweet, but I wish you were sober

“I-I’m so sorry,” Rey stammered. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the sight of him in the doorway. The room was still dimly lit, but she could see him clear enough. Ben stood tall, yet awkward and he held a bottle in one hand and a solo cup in another. They stared at one another for a few minutes until Rey broke the silence, pointing at the cup. “Is that more beer?” 

Ben chuckled slightly, “Water and gatorade actually, I think you’ve had enough alcohol for the night, so please don’t drink anymore beer,” He gestured for her to sit on the bed. “I brought these for you. When I didn’t see you in Hux’s room, I figured that you’d gone into the wrong room.” 

Rey looked at him confused. 

“You should hydrate so you’re not terribly hungover tomorrow. Replenish your electrolytes and all,” he handed her the cup and the bottle. 

“You didn’t come to class today,” Rey said while sitting on his larger than normal bed. 

“Uh yeah, I needed to think about some things. I talked to Snoke, too,” Ben stammered slightly. Rey made an unpleasant noise at the mention of Snoke’s name. Ben gave her a disapproving glance. 

Rey took a sip of the water and then started laughing, really hard. Ben quirked an eyebrow and sat on the bed next to her, “What?” 

“For you, every cup is a solo cup!” Rey continued laughing. 

“Funny, Rey. Now drink,” he commanded. 

“You’re bossy.” 

“And you’re drunk.” 

“And you’re not?” Rey shot back. 

Ben rolled his eyes at her, “I was a little earlier in the night, but I’m good now. I don’t really enjoy being intoxicated” 

Rey remembered when she first entered Poe’s house and when she first started drinking as heavily as she did. Looking back now, most of the night had been a blur, but she would not forget seeing Ben kissing that girl, which was a pity because she had gotten so drunk to forget exactly that. Jealousy rang throughout her body. “You looked like you were more than enjoying yourself when you were snogging that girl.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t think you would even pay me any attention over your constant flirtation with Iolo Arana.” Ben glared at her. 

Rey shifted on the bed to face him, “My constant flirtation? How did you even notice me when your attention should have been on the tongue in your mouth? Also—”

Ben cut her off, “How I chose to distract myself is not your concern.” 

Rey got off the bed, stood up and crossed her arms, “And what did you need distracted from?” 

Ben glanced down at the floor before locking their eyes, but he said nothing. Rey shifted uncomfortably, understanding his silence. “And did it work?” 

“No,” Ben said quietly. 

“If it’s any consolation, my form of distraction didn’t work either.” 

“What do you need to be distracted from?” Rey was certain that he already knew the answer to his question, so she just gave him the same look that he’d given her. Ben nodded and whispered something that Rey did not hear. She looked at him while silently reflecting on the complicated 72 hours she’d spent knowing him. 

Rey then decided she’d had more than enough liquid courage to confess what had been playing in her mind for the past few hours: “I’m not sure if this is the alcohol talking or if it’s fully me, but I’m really confused and frustrated. I know that being with me or even exploring what we could be together isn’t what you want. I know that and I respect that. And I thought that I had come to terms with the idea of me never having a true soulmate and never being loved long ago, but when I saw you tonight kissing that girl I felt so… sad. I don’t know why! I don’t know why! I barely know you and I don’t have a claim on you, of course, but it sucked seeing someone else be with you. I’ll have to get over that, I know it, but I want more than just an emotionless acquaintance with you. I want to know you, Ben Solo. I want to be your friend at least.” 

“Rey, I’m sorry, but I can not do that with you. Snoke says—” Rey would never know what Snoke said because she cut Ben off immediately. “Oh, fuck what Snoke says,” she’d replied. 

Ben sighed, “It’s not what he wants for me.” 

“It doesn’t matter what Snoke wants! What about you, Ben? What do you want? It’s your life, not Snoke’s.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Ben’s face fell into his hands. 

Rey walked back to the bed and sat down next to him. She put her hand on his shoulder, “It matters what you want, Ben. Why wouldn’t it?” 

He sits up with a scowl on his face, “You wouldn’t be saying any of this if you were sober. Why do you care so much?” 

Would she say any of this if she were sober? Maybe, but maybe not. She did sort of wish she was slightly less intoxicated, but Rey knew that she meant what was coming out: “Maybe if we understood each other’s thought processes or just understood each other better, then I could understand how you can be so certain that we have no chance at anything at all.”

“I deserve to be alone, like Snoke. He always says so. I’m not someone you want to know,” Ben said while shaking his head. 

“Don’t tell me what I want. I’ve spent nearly my whole life with people telling me what to do, what to want, and how to act. I’m tired of my wants being erased. I do want to know you, to see you, and to understand you. Snoke is manipulating and denying you. You can leave him and his company, I’ll help you,” Rey grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. 

Ben gave her a pained look, “He knew my grandfather. I didn’t, my mother never spoke of him. Snoke says he was a great man. I want to be a great man, like him. I want to make my grandfather, and my family, proud of me. I want to finish what my grandfather started in the business world. Snoke understands that, so he understands me better than I understand myself.” 

“Won’t you give me a chance to understand you like that or at all?” Rey pleaded with him. Ben took his eyes off of Rey and looked down at his bedroom floor for a while. He seemed to be contemplating everything she had said heavily, and she hoped he took it under careful consideration. A careful consideration that would allow for them to have any sort of friendly relationship. More than a civil acquaintanceship. 

Rey was disappointed when he finally spoke. 

“No.”  
Her face fell. Her stomach hurt, but she was not sure if it was from Ben’s refusal, mixing too much beer and liquor, or both. Probably both. She cleared her throat and slapped her hands down on her lap, “Well then, I’m going to go to Hux's room since that was where I was meant to be in the first place.” The atmosphere of the room felt too awkward and the silence on his end was not helping. 

Rey finally stood up and looked at him. Ben refused to meet her eyes, or look at her at all. 

“Um, we can turn in our registration papers separately. Goodnight and goodbye, Ben.” 

Rey walked across the room to the door, giving him one last glance before grabbing the door handle and turning it. She exited Ben’s room and made her way to what was definitely Hux’s room. She couldn’t drunkenly mistake it now. 

As Rey was going to turn the door handle to Hux’s room with her right hand, she felt a strong grip quickly encase her left. She turned in surprise to look at the person that had grabbed her arm so tightly.

Ben was behind her with wide eyes, looking as shocked as she did. 

“What are you doing?” Rey asked him incredulously. 

“I don’t know,” Ben answered honestly. The look in his eyes made Rey believe that this was the first time in a long time that he had truly taken a risk. And the risk was her. “I would prefer if you would stay in my room. If you’re not too tired, we can talk,” his voice strained, “I want to know you too. I’ll sleep on the floor or downstairs on the couch.”

She nodded at him in agreement and he led her back to his room, never letting go of her hand. 

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked as they went through the doorway. 

Rey laughed, “Green, and yours?” 

“Blue.” 

Ben shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about TROS and I felt like Rey's desires were swept under the rug a lot. I wanted to give her a voice where she could express her wants in this story, so that she may become more comfortable with herself. I hope to succeed in this. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	6. Crash My Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love the way you're breaking my heart  
> And I can't stand to see you leaving lonely

The coldness of winter faded away and the flowers of spring began to blossom. And with that, the coldness of Ben Solo melted away and a new friendship with Rey Niima blossomed. After that night, things between the two changed. As the semester progressed, Ben and Rey sat next to each other in philosophy lecture and recitation and got lunch together. Sometimes, he would walk her to her different classes in different buildings. Sometimes, he would drive her and Finn home. Their platonicness was nice and so different from any other friendship he had. Ben often caught himself believing that their bond was _good and_ _pure._ It (she) made him incredibly happy, an emotion he wasn’t sure he could truly feel as deeply as he did now. 

Uncertainty still swallowed him whole everyday despite his new revelations. Snoke continued to tell him his old teachings and ideals, while Ben’s heart told him another. 

It felt like he was being torn in two. 

And the constant inner conflict tended to hurt. It would tear and tear at him until he could see two, soft hazel eyes look upon him with an understanding that no one else gave him. Then, and only then, did the pain stop. 

Snoke told Ben that he was pathetic for allowing their bond to grow. Rey had called Snoke a few choice words and told Ben to quit and find another internship, but Ben  _ could not _ do that. Ben had worked for Snoke all throughout his undergrad, he had a good position lined up for him once he graduated in a month, and no other boss, could offer what Snoke did: insight on his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. Ben had to stay for that. 

* * *

Ben had driven the company car all over Takonda that day running errands for Snoke. The CEO of their company, FIRST ORDER ENTERPRISES, Sheev Palpatine would be paying them a visit soon, so Ben had been given the task of getting everything prepared. From Snoke’s suit pressed to obtaining important documents from various, and somewhat shady, locations. Ben had never met Palpatine before, he rarely came to their branch of the company. Hux claimed to have seen him once when he interned at FO’s Ilum location, but Ben didn’t believe him. 

Ben felt nervous about Palpatine’s visit. Snoke had never been so on edge or demanding before, the slightest of things were setting him off. Today, Snoke had thrown a cup of black coffee at Hux for being very little under his desired temperature. 

“What is this?” Snoke spat at the conference table. 

“Your black coffee, sir. Prepared just as you like it,” Hux said, sitting directly across from Ben. 

“No, boy! I like my coffee at exactly 79℃ and this!” Snoke stood and threw the cup across the table in Hux’s direction. Hot coffee went everywhere, little splashed on Ben, but most landed on Hux and the table. “That garbage water was at 76℃. Get me new, Armitage. Be sure not to fuck up this time or you’ll be demoted before you truly begin.” 

Hux took out a handkerchief from his suit pocket and dried his face, “Yes, sir.” If Hux had any anger in that moment, he did not let it show as he quietly left the room. 

“Solo, I need you do accomplish these tasks before Mr. Palpatine arrives tomorrow morning. If a single one is not done as indicated then you’re in for a world of hurt. I would prefer if you would return and place everything in my office before nine tonight. Understand?” 

Ben nodded. 

“Good. Now, clean up Armitage’s mess and tell him I want him and my coffee in my office as soon as possible. When you are finished, take one of the company cars and do as you’ve been instructed. Once your tasks are done, I expect the car back in pristine condition. Nothing less. Your ass is on the line,” Snoke left then. 

Ben’s last stop on the long list Snoke had given him was a short drive from downtown Takonda, in the neighboring city of Corellia. 

Ben tried to avoid Corellia whenever possible. It was a nice city, but it inhabited a few things and people he preferred to avoid.

When he finished his last to-do, it was 3:36 pm. He sat in the company car and went over the list again and again to make sure that he had accomplished everything as precisely as possible. Content with the job that he’d done and absolutely sure that everything was above and beyond the standards of Snoke, Ben began to drive off. 

The drive back to downtown Takonda was going well until his car started to stall. It slowed gradually until he had to pull off to the side of the road. Ben took his key out of the ignition and popped the hood of the car. 

The engine was smoking slightly, “Fuck.” 

He got out his phone and called Hux, but he didn’t answer. 

_ Fuck.  _

Ben stared at the car before shutting the hood. Snoke’s words rung in his ears:

_ “I expect the car back in pristine condition.” _

_ “Your ass is on the line.” _

Palpatine was visiting tomorrow morning. It’s now 4:05 pm. He has to have the car back in pristine condition and he has to give Snoke all the items on his completed to-do list before the end of the day or his ass is grass. How could he get his car fixed in time? He could call a roadside service, but they can be slightly unpredictable. He could not afford any more unpredictability. He could take it to a nearby shop, hope they’re not closed for the night, and then beg them to fix his car now. There was no guarantee either of those would work.

Ben ran a hand through his hair. He did have another option. An option that he hated. But it was the option that could best save him. 

He had to take his car to his father’s shop.

* * *

Located on the border of Takonda and Corellia, Millennium Falcon Motors is a small, locally owned repair shop that’s been operating since 1977. Co-owned and operated by lifelong friends Han Solo and Chewbacca, Millennium Falcon Motors offers high quality service at an affordable price!

Or at least that’s been the saying since before Ben was born, and he knew it by heart. Until his parents had sent him away to live with his Uncle Luke, he had spent much of his youth inside the Falcon’s walls, watching his father and Uncle Chewie work on cars. By coincidence, the company car broke down only a half a mile away from the Falcon and Ben was able to slowly navigate the car into the parking lot. He sighed as he looked at the glowing neon sign in the window, his nostalgia and nerves began to creep up his spine. 

His was the only car in the lot. “Dad must not be getting much business these days,” he said to himself as he exited the car. He approached the shop and opened the door, only to find the garage, reception desk, and waiting area all empty. He cleared his throat nervously and rang a bell on the desk. Twiddling his thumbs as he waited

“You following me, Solo?” A familiar female voice asked him out of view.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He turned to face Rey, who was wearing a Millennium Falcon Motors jumpsuit. Realization hit him like a truck. 

“I work here? We’ve officially been soulmates for a month and a half, have you really paid that little attention to my personal life?” She teased him. 

He looked at her dumbfounded, “I knew you worked at a garage, I just didn’t know it was  _ this one _ …” 

Rey scoffed at him, “Don’t sound so disgusted. I like it here, I get to work on motors! Plus, Maz knows the owners and helped me get the job here, she’s like in love with one of them— Chewbacca. Always calls him her boyfriend.” 

Ben just continued to stare at her with an uncomfortable grimace on his face. Rey laughed again then grinned at him. With her smile, his tension began to ease. He smiled back. 

“That shiny Mercedes out there belong to FO?” Rey asked looking out the window. 

He nodded, “Yes and I have to return it in ‘ _ pristine condition _ ’” he said imitating Snoke and receiving a giggle from Rey, “but it keeps stalling and smoking. I need it fixed ASAP or Snoke will serve my head on a platter to the CEO, Mr. Palpatine.” 

Rey shifted a little uncomfortably, “Palpatine?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Oh, nothing!” Her tone and posture returned to its normal chipperness, “Lucky for you Millennium Falcon Motors offers fast, high quality service at an affordable price!”

“So I’ve heard,” Ben deadpanned. 

“You’ve seen our commercials, then?” She beamed. Ben furrowed his brow, Rey must not know that she works for his father… “Plus, I’m sure I can get you a discount. Just don’t tell my bosses,” she winked. 

“I’m so lucky to have such a generous soulmate, but I’m not sure if it’s fair to all of the other customers if I get special treatment,” he gestured to the empty waiting area. 

“Oh, hush. We get plenty of business! Go pull up your car,” she demanded.

“Oh, I’m sure yo—” Ben was cut off by a loud yell from across the room. He glanced in the direction the noise came from. His eyes widened as his very tall Uncle Chewie came barreling towards him before enveloping him into a hug. 

His uncle welcomed him and then scolded him in Shyriiwook. 

“I missed you too, I’m sorry,” Ben said as Chewie put him down and ruffled his hair. 

“You know Chewie, Ben?” Rey quirked an eyebrow. Chewie looked at Ben quizzically. 

“What’s the yelling for, Chewie? Did Rey drop another crate of wiper fluid?” Han Solo yelled into the room where the three of them stood. Ben’s stomach dropped. Han’s laughter became louder and he appeared from around the corner. Ben felt the pounding of his heart in his chest become louder and faster. It had been years since he’d actually seen his father in person, the last time being shortly after his high school graduation. He had been 18 then. Now, he’s 23 and his father is in front of him for the first time in five years. 

Han came in smiling at Chewie and Rey, but when he locked eyes with Ben his face became serious and full of disbelief, “Hey, kid.” Han’s voice is soft. 

“Hey, dad,” Ben offers awkwardly. 

Rey looks at Ben with a shocked expression, then at Han. “What?” She pauses and does another double-take, “What?” 

“Why— I mean, what brings you here? Not that I’m not ecstatic to see you, Ben. Your mother and I miss you so much…” Han rambled. 

“My car broke down a little down the street from here and I need a quick fix or I could lose my job.”    
  


“That job sucks,” Han and Rey say in unison. They look at each other in surprise. 

“Please,” Ben pleads with the both of them. Chewie grunts. 

“I’ll do anything for you, kid, even if it’s for your shitty job,” Ben rolls his eyes at his father’s remarks, “but you have to visit your mother as payment. Chewie, take his keys and start on the car.” Chewie grabs the keys from Ben’s hands and exits the building. 

“Dad, listen—” 

“You’re visiting your mother, Ben. No arguments. Now come here,” Han hugs his son. Ben stands awkwardly in the embrace and looks at Rey, who is returning his gaze with her lips in a disappointed line. 

Han breaks the hug and gives his son a familiar smirk, “Son, this is one of my mechanics, Rey.” Han extends his arm out, pointing towards Rey. 

Rey laughs, “We’ve met.” 

Han looks at her confused, “Oh?”

“Remember my pain in the ass soulmate?” 

“I resent that,” Ben protested. 

Han opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it immediately. He remained quiet for a few more moments, “Rey, you’re coming with Ben when he comes to visit his mother and I next week.” 

Ben and Rey both start to protest against Han, but Han stops them both. “Rey, you come or you’re fired. Leia would  _ kill me  _ if she found out that I knew about this,” Han gestured at the both of them, “and I did not do anything about it.” 

“Dad, I can’t—”

“Benjamin Organa-Solo, you will be coming or your mother will be coming to you because there’s no way in hell I’m not telling her about this, about you,” Ben hadn’t heard his father’s voice this stern since he was 14. Ben decided that dinner with his parents and Rey would be preferable to his mother angrily banging down his door at an unexpected date. 

“Okay, I’ll go.” Ben grumbled. Rey mimicked his response. 

“Han, as I’ve told you, we’re not… you know?” Rey prompts his father. 

Han looks at Ben and Rey then sighs, “I know. I remember, kid,” he shakes his head at Ben, “I’m going to go help Chewie with your fancy car, I’ll leave you two lovebirds— no excuse me, ‘civil acquaintances’ alone,” Han pokes fun at Ben’s old designation for their relationship before tending to the car with Chewie. 

“You told my father about that?” 

“Well to be fair, I didn’t know he was your father until twenty minutes ago,” Rey points out. 

“You tell your boss about your personal life?” 

“Not all of them. I have three jobs, so three bosses. One is my foster mom. One is some old dude named Jeff. I don’t tell Jeff anything. One is your dad. Your dad and Chewie are good to me. It’s just the three of us here, we talk, and I needed to vent. You weren’t a peach in the beginning,” she explained. 

“No, I wasn’t. I believe you said I was bitter like mustard,” he teases, “or was it cold, unmeltable dry ice?” 

She sticks out her tongue. 

“How did you not figure out that he was my father? Both of our last names are Solo? We’re both dashingly handsome? I have the famous Solo charm.” 

“Oh, yeah. When I think of Ben Solo, I definitely think charming,” her voice dripping in sarcasm, “but I just didn’t think about it. I only ever refer to him as Han, so his surname never crosses my mind. Hell, I don’t even know Chewbacca’s last name. Or is it his first name?” 

Is that his first name? “Okay, you know what? That’s fair.” 

“I’ve never actually met your mom. She never comes to the shop,” Rey goes to sit down at the reception desk chair. Ben leans on the counter, overlooking her. 

“She’s probably too busy with her work in the Senate,” he bitterly remarks. 

“Your mom’s a senator? A senator mom? That’s so cool,” Rey says excitedly. 

He huffs, “Is it? I would have preferred to have a different type of mom, not a way too busy senator mom.” 

“I would have loved a mom like that, any mom really,” she says quietly. 

Fuck, he thinks. “I’m sorry. I forgot,” she gives him a small, sad smile in response. He tries to redirect the conversation, “I can’t believe this is happening just because my car crashed down on the side of the road? I can’t believe you work for my dad. What are the chances of that?”

“Given our situation and history so far, pretty likely. Chance can be a real bastard,” she looks up at him. 

Ben leans further over the counter, to be closer to her. Their faces now a few inches apart. 

“What does a friend wear to impress a senator mother?” 

“You’ll look perfect in whatever you choose,” she blushes a little at his words. “Mom loves a good pantsuit.” 

Rey turns her nose at that. “I don’t own a pantsuit.” 

“If I can’t have my girl in a pantsuit then maybe a dress will do,” he grins at her. Their faces are so close, and his gaze falls to her lips. He wonders if they are actually as soft as they look. 

“I’m not your girl, remember?” She whispers. 

The small gap between them is only getting smaller and Ben can smell mint on her breath. Is he about to kiss her? He definitely wants to. He thinks about her all the time. Everything about her is intoxicating to him: her voice, her eyes, her mind, her kindness, the way she smells like vanilla and almonds, and the sound of her voice. 

His lips barely brush hers when Han comes back into the building, “Ben! Your car’s head gasket is leaking! And you need some new oil! We have what you need in the back, we did a similar job a Mercedes a month ago and there’s left over parts from the order,” Ben straightens up and puts distance between himself, Rey, and the desk he was leaning over. Han comes into view and slaps a hand down on Ben’s shoulder, “You’ll be out of here by six!”

Han flashes a big smile at the both of them. Rey lets out a quiet groan. 

“Thanks, dad,” Ben has a small grimace on his face.

“This is fun, you should come here more often, like when you were a kid,” Han goes in for another hug. Ben hugs back his time. 

He looks at Rey, who has a slight blush across her freckled cheeks. 

Maybe he would spend more time here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these two! 
> 
> Full disclosure: I know nothing about cars.
> 
> My state has reopened and I have gone back to working two jobs, so I will be moving the update day to either Sunday or Monday as I get readjusted to my old schedule. 
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe & doing well. 
> 
> As of last chapter, I'm naming each chapter after a song I listened/was inspired by to whilst writing.  
> Last chapter: Wish You Were Sober - Conan Gray  
> Crash My Car - COIN


	7. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though I've tried before to tell her  
> Of the feelings I have for her in my heart  
> Every time that I come near her I just lose my nerve  
> As I've done from the start  
> Every little thing she does is magic  
> Everything she do just turns me on  
> Even though my life before was tragic  
> Now I know my love for her goes on

The morning of dinner with Rey and his parents, Ben stood alone in his kitchen. Gripping the counter by the sink, he looked out the window and watched the outside world pass by. 

Ben had not seen his mother in five years, his father in a week, and Rey in two days. He felt nervous to reunite with all, but mainly his mother. Was he ready to face the wrath of Leia Organa? He’d seen his mother, first-hand, literally tear apart her political opponents in debates when he was younger. And because he, secretly, kept up with her career, he knew that his mother was still tearing up the opposition in the senate. 

Five years ago, he said goodbye to his parents with no intention of seeing or speaking to them again. Too much had happened that day, too much had been said. Ben was still hurt that they’d sent him away as a child, it still hurt that they had been so distant while he was growing up, and it still hurt that they’d denounced his desired career path and his mentor and boss. 

Ben knew that the argument regarding his future would be rehashed soon, if not tonight and in the presence of Rey. He knew that Rey would agree with his mother and father. 

But they didn’t understand his desire to be a part of his grandfather’s legacy, despite his attempts to explain. They didn’t understand that his job at First Order had changed his life, and opened his eyes. Once Ben got an inevitable promotion after his graduation, then worked his way up further and further up the corporate ladder, he and Snoke would work to finish what his grandfather started. It would be incredible for their family, for the Skywalker name. 

Leia and his Uncle Luke told him that Anakin wouldn’t want him to follow in his footsteps, but they didn’t know him or Ben like Snoke did. They didn’t know Anakin like Mr. Palpatine did. Snoke had made that clear to him long ago. 

Ben felt his body grow tense at the thought of his parents and Rey ganging up on him at dinner. His grip on the counter got tighter. 

A knock on the backdoor disrupted his thoughts. 

All his roommates were already gone for the day and Ben was not expecting any one. He elected to ignore the knocking and continue his brooding. But the knocking became more rapid. He rolled his eyes and made his way to the door. 

When he opened the door, a very agitated Bazine stood in a little black dress with her hands on her hips. 

She glanced over his body and he was suddenly reminded that he was shirtless. She raised an eyebrow at him, “Are you going to invite me in?” Ben grunted in response and gestured for her to enter the kitchen. 

“You haven’t called in since Poe’s party, which was almost two months ago, and you barely even acknowledge me at work! We were supposed to spend spring break together, but you blew me off! Are you fucking someone else? Or are you just an ass? Girls like me don’t get ghosted, so what’s up?” Bazine crossed her arms. 

Ben pressed his lips into a line, “I’m sorry?” 

“I bet you are,” she said sarcastically, “so which is it, huh?”

“I’m not seeing anyone else, Baz. I’ve just been busy and distracted. With graduation and stuff at FO, I just haven’t had much time for anything else.” That was  _ technically  _ true. He had been busy, Snoke had been busting his ass recently. He had definitely been distracted, not by  anyone anything in particular, but distracted nonetheless. He tried to shake the image of someone else, a different girl with kind hazel eyes and freckles, out of his mind as he stared into Bazine's doubtful eyes. 

“You’ve never been a good liar, Solo. Your face always gives you away,” Bazine’s voice was soft. Her body language became less angry and more relaxed. She tossed her hair over her shoulder, “If you can’t be honest with me, then be honest with yourself because you suck at hiding things. Daddy thinks so too.” 

Ben went rigid, “Tell Snoke I’m fine, he has nothing to worry about. I’m more committed to FO than ever.” 

Bazine chuckled lightly, “You see, Daddy and I disagree. We think that your little soulmate, Rey was it? We think she’s changed you, she’s a distraction. You know my father, he doesn’t like distractions, the bond, or when people try to alter his plans. I mean, look at what he did to my mother, Myra, when she tried to change him. I wonder what he has planned for little Rey...” 

Ben’s jaw clenched, “Don’t you or Snoke go near her.”

A wicked grin grew across her face and she approached him closely. He could feel her breath on his bare chest. Bazine looked up at him, “Is that a threat?” She whispered in a seductive voice. 

Another knock at the door. 

Bazine smiled mischievously, “I’ll get it!” 

Ben watched her as she opened the door only slightly, sticking only her head out. He couldn’t hear the other surprise visitor.

“Poe’s not here, come back later?” Bazine’s voice was incredibly apathetic.

Finn? 

“Oh, you’re here to see Ben? Between us girls? He’s a little indisposed.” 

_ Rey.  _

Bazine opened the door fully, revealing Rey to Ben. 

Revealing Ben to Rey— a shirtless, distressed Ben. Rey’s eyes were wide and he could see the disbelief and shock in them. He knew how this must have looked to her. “Rey—”

Bazine cut him off, “Ugh! You know men after good sex, so disoriented! Am I right?” She turned and shot Ben a wink, “Come back later, I’m sure he’ll be recovered then. I’ll see you around, Rey.” Bazine slammed the door. 

He rushed to the door, determined to chase after Rey and explain, but Bazine lifted her hand to his chest. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

He glared at her. 

“Oh, Ben, you’re so tense. I know of a way we can relieve you of that,” she said grinning. 

“No, Bazine.” His voice was firm. 

“Fine, I got what I came for anyways. Suspicions confirmed: You really care for her, don’t you?” 

Ben looked away and didn’t say anything. 

Bazine laughed, “Oh my god, you love her! Already? It’s been what two months? I got to admit, Solo, that kind of hurts. We were together for _ years  _ and you never loved me.”

He looked at her now, “Bazine—”

“Save it. It’s like daddy always says: ‘love makes you weak.’ I was a fool, but I’m not now. You on the other hand, well… yikes!” He could see the anger in her set jaw, “I won’t tell my father about your feelings for her, not yet anyways. Just get your shit together. Whatever she’s changed in you, fix it.” Her voice pointed and cold as ice. 

Ben swallowed then nodded. Bazine left then without another word.

Rey returned to his door six hours later. His throat felt dry when he opened the door. Since becoming more friendly with each other, they had let their bond remain open. They had always been able to sense each other, feel each other’s emotions. The openness had been nice. It was refreshing to have that kind of mutual, immediate understanding with someone. 

His door was now open to her, but she was now closed to him. The mental bond they shared due to their soulmate status was completely closed on her end. 

His heart and stomach dropped. 

“You look nice,” he said sheepishly. It was true. Rey was like a vision, a true ray of light in his dark world. Like fresh water in his mental desert. Like the moon and stars in the night sky. But with what Bazine had said to him earlier that day, he couldn’t let Rey know any of that. 

Ben closed off his end of their bond. Her expression shifted as she sensed it. 

Rey cleared her throat and smoothed out the skirt of her dress, “Thank you, Rose leant the dress to me— it was Paige’s.” 

He couldn’t stand the awkwardness between them now, not when they’d come so far. “Rey, about what you saw earlier…”   
  
“It’s fine, Ben. You’ve made it clear that we’re just friends and seeing you with Bazine  _ again  _ doesn’t bother me.”

It wasn’t the response he was expecting, or hoping for, but maybe it was the one he needed. The one he needed to fix what Snoke wanted him to. “We’re good then.” 

“Perfectly,” Ben noticed a shakiness in her voice, “But, Ben, I must say this: I know we want different things, that’s clearer now.” Her words became more careful and emotion filled her eyes, “I guess I thought things were changing between us. I thought I felt  _ things _ from your side of the bond and I know I felt them on mine, so…”

If only she knew, he thought. If only she knew how badly he wanted this. 

“I’m sorry if I led you to believe what is not true,” he lied. 

Rey bit her cheek, her voice was serious “Ben, I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not need your love, but I demand respect from you. Do not make me feel like a fool again.” 

“Listen, Rey..”

“No, Ben, you listen to me.  My own parents didn’t want or love me and  I have felt unwanted and alone my whole life, I do not need you to make me feel even more so. ”

Kriff, what was he doing? How could he do this to her? Snoke be damned, he did not want this for her. He did not want her to ever feel unwanted or unworthy. If Rey Niima thought herself to be unworthy of love, then what did she think of him? How could she even think those things about herself? She’s everything to him and every piece of him is drawn to her, even though she does not know it. And certainly, he is less than her, so he could never be worthy of love— especially, not hers. 

“I understand the way you feel. I’ve felt it about myself,” he pauses, “The more I come to know you, the more I understand myself and the world because everything you say and do makes sense to me. It’s like you’re the angel on my shoulder, always in my head and on my mind. The very idea of you makes me want to right my wrongs. I want to be a good person and with you it’s easier,” she looks at him as he speaks. 

He sighs. Fuck what Snoke thinks, he’s gonna say it. “Even if you weren’t my ‘soulmate, I would want you in my life. You’re the most kind, intelligent, beautiful, and kick-ass person I’ve ever met, Rey Niima. You’re a great person that bad things have happened to. Bad things happen, but that doesn’t mean we deserve them. You are not your past and you are not alone, you’re never alone.”

“Neither are you,” her voice is gentle. 

“Rey, you are the sort of person who deserves the world, deserves respect and happiness. Anyone that doesn’t see that has never been worthy of you. I only hope that one day... I can be. I’m sorry I made you feel the way I did, it was never my intention. Bazine lied. We didn’t have sex earlier, she only wanted to make you angry. She’s upset that I feel something for you that I could never feel for her… or anyone else.”

“What are you saying, Ben?” Rey’s eyes were wide again. 

“I’m saying that I’m sorry. What you felt on my side was real. So real, Rey. I care about you,” Ben thinks for a moment, “and  _ I see you _ .”

In that moment, he believes that saying I see you can be more meaningful than I love you. 

Then he puts a hand on her face, brushes her cheek, and kisses her. 

The kiss is everything all at once. Everything he’s ever needed. 

“I see you too,” she says when they finally break away. 

In his wildest dreams, Ben never thought he could feel the way he did in that moment. So full of love and light. 

He would deal with the Snoke family wrath later. But first, he had to deal with his parents. 

“Let’s go meet the parents, shall we?” He teased, then pressed another kiss to her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter finds you well. 
> 
> If you have the resources and ability, consider donating to BLM, joining in on protests, educating yourself on black issues, and/or signing petitions. With that being said, please stay safe as well.
> 
> Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic- Sleeping At Last version


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